Today I cried.
I remembered an old friend, confidant and lover. A great teacher. A kind soul.
I came to the realization I could never resent or hate you for leaving me out of your safe space. I understand the reasons. The breakup was the worst I have ever had. It was honestly brutal, a painful realization which came to both of us at the same time. A decision that went against the heart but certainly toward logic.
It still hurts.
But today I chose to think of only happy moments and the first one that came to mind was that horrible barbecue with you know who right after the monogamous boy started dating the brand new non-monogamous girl.
I remember funny bits about it. I was drunk. Madly in love with you. Feeling loved by you the whole time.
But then it started raining. And I hurried downstairs to the open and felt the pouring rain trickle down my face and the feeling was wonderful. And when I opened my eyes I saw you following me.
We twirled, you kissed me. It was my first kiss in the rain and it's the best kiss in the rain I have ever had. It was so innocent.
I felt like a kid. And I loved you even more.
You taught me about myself. About life. About weird philosophers I won't remember the name. You always had a question ready for me. You poked words out of me. You taught me to communicate deeply with someone. You taught me what love really means.
I've had all kinds of love, but yours was the first who made me feel whole. You saw my flaws and you embraced me fully, you loved every rotten piece of me and I loved you back for it. You taught me kindness and how to reach a level of intimacy some people have never experienced. You taught me a lot.
I am only grateful to you.
And in some kind of way, I'm lost in the definitions, I still love you with all my heart.
Ever since we were strangers and you saved me from suicide just by being a kind honest soul.
_
From me, still broken, pursuing the best version of myself.
To myself, to everybody, but, specially, to O Alegorista.
I remembered an old friend, confidant and lover. A great teacher. A kind soul.
I came to the realization I could never resent or hate you for leaving me out of your safe space. I understand the reasons. The breakup was the worst I have ever had. It was honestly brutal, a painful realization which came to both of us at the same time. A decision that went against the heart but certainly toward logic.
It still hurts.
But today I chose to think of only happy moments and the first one that came to mind was that horrible barbecue with you know who right after the monogamous boy started dating the brand new non-monogamous girl.
I remember funny bits about it. I was drunk. Madly in love with you. Feeling loved by you the whole time.
But then it started raining. And I hurried downstairs to the open and felt the pouring rain trickle down my face and the feeling was wonderful. And when I opened my eyes I saw you following me.
We twirled, you kissed me. It was my first kiss in the rain and it's the best kiss in the rain I have ever had. It was so innocent.
I felt like a kid. And I loved you even more.
You taught me about myself. About life. About weird philosophers I won't remember the name. You always had a question ready for me. You poked words out of me. You taught me to communicate deeply with someone. You taught me what love really means.
I've had all kinds of love, but yours was the first who made me feel whole. You saw my flaws and you embraced me fully, you loved every rotten piece of me and I loved you back for it. You taught me kindness and how to reach a level of intimacy some people have never experienced. You taught me a lot.
I am only grateful to you.
And in some kind of way, I'm lost in the definitions, I still love you with all my heart.
Ever since we were strangers and you saved me from suicide just by being a kind honest soul.
_
From me, still broken, pursuing the best version of myself.
To myself, to everybody, but, specially, to O Alegorista.
Nenhum comentário:
Postar um comentário