Wie viel Uhr ist es?

Depois de quase explodir minha bexiga esperando meu pai voltar do sindicato e ainda chegar super atrasada no curso de alemão, a pior: não tinha cerveja, só tinha Skol.
Decidi tomar mesmo assim, lido com a enxaqueca depois.
É vero que meu professor Chileno de alemão e inglês mistura de vez em quando as 4 línguas que sabe, mas nessa au'la estava de mais. Não sei se meu cérebro não estava acompanhando ou realmente a “poliglotisse” foi longe de mais.
Parece engraçado mas é assustador.
Enquanto me sentia burra pelo cansaço mental e pela dificuldade de dizer as horas em Alemão, pensava em fumar um cigarro.
Luke agarrou a manga da minha blusa, queria brincar. Corria de um lado pro outro e toda vez que eu chegava perto dele pra fazer carinho, ele saía correndo que nem um louco.
Voltando pras horas… Die Gymnastik fängt Viertel vor acht an.
Fuck! Quer dizer, Scheisse! Merda ou mierda?
I don’t know. I guess I need a break.
Cigarros na varanda, eu fumando compulsivamente.
Não me pergunte como, mas o assunto foi de RPG para depressão.
Confesso que fiquei assustada no começo, já estava me preparando para a tempestade de merda. No fim, encontrei um ombro amigo.
Passei meu horário de almoço ouvindo The XX, deveria é estar ouvindo Themen 1 Aktuell. Mas gostei muito do som, gostei muito da banda. Agradeço o carinho.
Ah, só pra não esquecer: Teufel/Hölle.
Obrigada pela dose diária de cultura inútil, Chile.

Please

I just want to be free
From these chains
I forged myself.
Can you please
Help me escape
From this nightmare?
You take away
All my blindfolds
And make me see.
I’m not a freak.
I’m just like you:
Human.
I have my flaws
Please, look past them
Even if I can’t
Please love me
Even if I’m
Not capable of it
Yet.

Someday

Someday you’ll be able to see yourself with new eyes.
Someday you will see your past mistakes do not make you guilty, but strong.
Someday you will see you’re not to blame for all the wrongs you’ve done, that you were only doing what you’ve been taught.
Someday you will see how tough you are for enduring all the hate you got and turning it into something beautiful.
Someday you will see that your body type, your hair, your skin or your clothes do not define you, and that you’re beautiful no matter how you choose to express your identity.
Someday you will see shallow people give shallow criticism, and that you shouldn’t believe them.
Someday you will see you deserve a lot more love than what you were given.
Someday you will see I’m not some super-special human being, because you are just like me.
Someday you will see how much you’ve helped me, how much you’ve changed me and how important you are for me.
Someday you will see you are only human and that’s enough.
Someday you will see you are talented at what you do and I mean every single compliment.
Someday you will see you are not your disabilities, as I am not mine either.
Someday you will see all this is not your fault.

Someday you will see yourself as I  see you.

É possível sentir falta de algo que nunca te pertenceu?
Renato Russo tinha razão, afinal.

E é só você que tem a cura pro meu vício/ De insistir nessa saudade que eu sinto/ De tudo que eu ainda não vi.

Feelings at war

Is it fear you’re feeling? Or is it love? Could it be both at the same time?
Confusion.
That’s good. You can never be fully in charge of everything, and if you feel like you can trust your guts, why let fear take control?
All your emotions are at war right now.
You need to get this right, let me say it again: You are not in control.
Relax. Empty your mind. Let the feelings overflow. It’s ok to cry.
Love strips you naked and makes you drop your guard.
You NEED to do this, trust me.
Only when you feel like you have no defenses, only when you feel insecure, only when you are completely vulnerable, love can take control of your body. Or else, it won’t be able to enter. Do you want to be at war for the rest of your life?
I didn’t think so.
I get it, I get it. You tried to do this several times but it didn’t work out. Well, guess what? You did it all wrong.
You can’t expect to learn how to swim if you always keep distance from water. That’s not how it works. Do you know birds teach their babies how to fly? They push the baby out of their nest. That’s the only way.
You need to commit yourself wholeheartedly.
You know this time’s for real.
Sometimes you will be afraid and sometimes you will be confused, but it’s all part of the process. It’ll take daily effort and practice.
Once you let love take over completely, all your fears and all your doubts will fade away.
In the end you will see things differently, you’ll know I was right all along.
I’m your heart, sweetie, follow me.

(I forgot or somehow lost the source)
(on a second thought, I think I wrote this)

Compreensão

Acho que a palavra que me faltava durante todos esses anos era compreensão.
E você deu significado a ela.

Bagunça

Será que a bagunça do meu quarto influencia quem eu sou,
Ou a bagunça da minha cabeça que se reflete na minha vida?